Privacy Policy

Last Updated: December 5, 2024

Welcome to the privacy policy for tHE dURT nURS'. If you're reading this, you either have too much time on your hands or you're actually concerned about your data privacy. Either way, we appreciate your dedication to boredom.

1. Information We Collect (Or Don't)

1.1 Data We Intentionally Collect

Honestly? Almost nothing. This website is intentionally low-tech. We don't have analytics, we don't have tracking pixels, and we certainly don't have a marketing department (we can barely afford a liquor budget).

The only data we might collect includes:

  • Email addresses: If you email us at biteme@durtnurs.com, we'll have your email address. We might even read your email in 4-6 weeks when we remember to check our inbox.
  • Fan Club info: If you somehow gain access to our exclusive Fan Club section, we'll remember that you entered the correct password. We won't know who you are, just that someone solved the puzzle. Good for you.

1.2 Data Your Browser Automatically Sends

When you visit any website (including ours), your browser automatically sends some technical information to the web server. This might include your IP address, browser type, and what page you're visiting. This is standard internet stuff—like how the post office needs your address to deliver mail.

2. Cookies (The Digital Kind, Not the Delicious Kind)

What are cookies? No, not the chocolate chip kind (although those are excellent). Cookies are tiny text files that websites store on your computer to remember things about you.

2.1 Cookies We Use

We use exactly one (1) cookie, and only for the Fan Club authentication. When you successfully enter the password, we store a cookie so you don't have to enter it every time you visit. That's it. That's the whole cookie situation.

This cookie:

  • Only remembers that you know the password (not who you are)
  • Expires after 30 days (because we assume you'll forget about us by then)
  • Doesn't track you across other websites
  • Contains zero personal information

2.2 Third-Party Cookies

We don't use third-party cookies. No advertising networks, no social media tracking pixels, no Google Analytics spying on your every move. Just you, our website, and our questionable sense of humor.

3. How We Use Your Data (Spoiler: We Don't)

If you email us, we might use your email address to respond. Shocking, we know. Revolutionary use of technology.

If you access the Fan Club, the cookie helps you stay logged in. That's literally the entire data processing operation happening on this website.

We will never:

  • Sell your data to anyone (who would even buy it?)
  • Share your information with third parties (we don't have third parties)
  • Use your data for marketing purposes (we can barely market ourselves)
  • Track your browsing habits (we're not that invested in your internet journey)
  • Send you spam (unless you count our occasional musical output as spam)

4. Third-Party Services (AKA The Liquor Store)

4.1 External Links

Our website contains links to external sites (like our Instagram). When you click those links, you leave our site and enter the wild west of Big Tech. Those companies have their own privacy policies, which are probably 47 pages long and written by lawyers who charge by the word.

We link to:

  • Instagram (@durtnurs): Their privacy policy is here. It's probably terrifying.
  • Google Fonts: We use Google Fonts for typography. Google might collect some data when fonts load. Their privacy policy is here.

4.2 Hosting

This website is hosted on GitHub Pages. GitHub (owned by Microsoft) has access to server logs and technical data. Their privacy policy is here. We chose them because they're free and we're broke.

5. Your Rights (Yes, You Have Some)

Depending on where you live, you might have legal rights regarding your data. Here's what you can do:

  • Access: You can ask what data we have about you. (Answer: probably just your email if you contacted us.)
  • Deletion: You can ask us to delete your data. Send us an email and we'll delete it immediately (or whenever we check our email next).
  • Correction: If we have incorrect information about you, let us know and we'll fix it.
  • Opt-out: You can opt out of... well, there's nothing to opt out of. We don't have mailing lists or marketing campaigns.

To exercise any of these rights, email us at biteme@durtnurs.com. Include "Privacy Request" in the subject line if you want us to actually notice it.

6. Data Security (Or Lack Thereof)

We take data security seriously. By which we mean: we don't collect data, so there's nothing to secure. It's the ultimate security strategy—can't have a data breach if there's no data to breach.

That said:

  • This website uses HTTPS (the little lock icon in your browser), which encrypts data between your device and the server.
  • We don't store passwords in a database (the Fan Club password is checked client-side via JavaScript).
  • Any emails you send us are stored in our email inbox with whatever security Gmail provides (probably decent, but we didn't set it up).

7. Children's Privacy (Please Be 18+)

Our website is intended for adults. We don't knowingly collect data from anyone under 18. If you're under 18, please get your parents' permission before visiting, and definitely don't email us (we're not equipped to talk to minors—we can barely talk to adults).

If you're a parent and you discover your child has emailed us, contact us and we'll delete their information immediately. Also, maybe have a talk about their music taste.

8. Changes to This Privacy Policy

We might update this privacy policy occasionally. Reasons might include:

  • We add new features to the website (unlikely)
  • Laws change (more likely)
  • We accidentally violate something and need to fix it (most likely)
  • We get drunk and decide to rewrite it (odds: 50/50)

When we update this policy, we'll change the "Last Updated" date at the top. We won't email you about changes because, again, we don't have your email unless you emailed us first.

9. Contact Us About Privacy Concerns

If you have questions, concerns, or complaints about this privacy policy or our data practices, you can contact us at:

Email: biteme@durtnurs.com
Subject Line: "Privacy Concern" (so we actually read it)
Response Time: 4-6 weeks, maybe never, who knows

Alternatively, you can write to us at:

tHE dURT nURS'
c/o The Shed Behind SnowMan's House
Somewhere in the North Atlantic
USA

(We don't actually have a mailing address. Don't send us physical mail. It won't reach us, and you'll waste a stamp.)

10. Final Thoughts

Look, we're just a parody rock band with a website. We're not trying to steal your data, track your movements, or sell you extended warranties. We're just here to make questionable music and even more questionable web content.

If you've read this entire privacy policy, congratulations. You have more dedication than we deserve. Go listen to some music (not ours—literally anyone else's) and enjoy your life.

Your privacy is safe with us, mostly because we don't care enough to violate it.

Stay gritty,
tHE dURT nURS'